Secrets Men Keep From Their Wives
Posted: Monday, November 26, 2007
by Laura Trahan
I recently stumbled across an article from “Redbook" magazine about secrets guys keep from their wives and it really surprised me. Not so much that husbands keep secrets, but more so what those secrets were.
The first was something that I really didn’t consider to be a secret. It was that guys admit to falling in lust with other women at least ten times a day. Added to that was the simple confession that it in no way meant that they wanted to leave their wife. The men in the article claim that they don’t want to look at that other woman walking past, it is just their eyes are like a radar. They even go on to say that if a husband says he doesn’t look at other women, he more than likely just has really good peripheral vision.
The second doesn’t really apply to me, but it can be relatable. The study found that more than 75 percent of men who go play golf, really are playing golf for the sole reason of getting away from the wife, kids and home responsibilities. Most of them are horrible at golf, but just want time away. As if we did not know this as well. Honestly women, do we really think it takes them that long in the bathroom. He needs space just as much as we need space.
I actually like the third secret because it does explain a lot about the fear of growing old my husband has had in the past. It is that husbands really are not excited about commitment. I know some of you newly married women might say, “My man has no problem with commitment." Honestly, it is something that every man has to get used to because of how our society is. The article puts it best, “ This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an expensive videographer," Redbook states. “But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, ‘Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together.’ Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought."
Another secret men try to hide is that making money or being the breadwinner is important to them. This has really hit home lately in my household as we have discussed me going back to work full-time. I have watched just the talking of it destroy my husband’s ego. He wants to be able to provide security and it makes him feel more like a man if he is the one making the money. I think it is sad that as a society we make men feel like they have to keep this emotion a secret. I understand equality women, but do we really have to make a man feel bad for wanting to be the one to provide for us and our family.
Probably my favorite in this article is that men actually do fear their wife driving. This is something that has always made me laugh. I can’t stand my husband driving! I guess the difference is that I have no problem voicing that emotion. It made me laugh to know that he could feel the same way. Guess what, he does! Explains so much about how he acts in the passenger seat. I always fear troubles at work when he sits over there. Who would of thought it was my driving the whole time.
Well, the article is full of other secrets some sweet and some more surprises. From finding out that my husband loves me more each year to that men like being mothered, it was an elightening article. I encourage all women to check it out and then talk with your husband about what he agrees with. It is really interesting. To read the entire article, you can visit online at Webmd: http://men.webmd.com/features/11-dont-tell-the-wife-secrets-all-men-keep
But with the article, it got me to thinking and I thought I would issue a challenge to the married women out there. Do we as wives keep secrets? I was trying to think of any secrets I keep and I think women are more open then men. But I thought I would get us started anyway. The only secret I try to keep from my husband (which has become impossible with the birth of kids and the fact we will be married nine years this week) involves bodily functions. I would be happy if my husband never knew I went to the bathroom. Of course, with kids throwing the door open while I am in process, that fantasy has quickly gone away.
So lets hear it: what secrets do you keep from your husband? Do you sneak a Starbucks? I would love to learn some more. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments!
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Laura, Those secrets sound familiar! Anyway, I do look at other women, but with my wife's blessing. In fact, at times she will say, "Your weather girl is on." It's all in fun and she joins the fun with me. She is confident in who she is and I love her that much more for putting up with my roaming eyes. I always tell her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world and that her eyes come first! Thank you for a great summary.James, Thanks so much for the comment! It sounds like you are a very lucky man and have a great relationship with your wife!!!!!! What is that saying, "A couple who laughs together, stays together"? You guys sound like a lot of fun! Thanks again and I am so glad to see you writing again! I have missed reading your articles!
hi laura, nice article. it was entertaining, informative, and funny. i share your secret. i often wish the master bathroom was a lot farther from the master BEDroom! i think i have an idea who came up with that idea. other than that, no secrets, unless you want to count the fact that i have been imaginging being with george clooney for the past nine years, but that's so minor:) thanks for a good article, best regards, sue thomLOL Sue! I wasn't able to hide my lusting after David Beckham so that secret was blown! :) Thanks so much for commenting and glad to know there are others who feel the same!
Good article, I have heard a few woman throw out "he's cute" or a "he's handsome" so I am just wondering is we all share the same thinking? Good job, keep smiling. RTMThanks Mr. Melaccio for the comment! Yeah, I think women are just trying to egg their spouse on or get a response from him! who knows though-both sexes are pretty complex :)!
Laura Terrific article. I think we keep secrets from each other all the time. It's part of the human way. Even though women are more comfortable communicating, and often 'share' too much with our husbands, I do think there are still things we keep secret. I agree about the 'bathroom' issues. But, as you say, once you have kids, there's no privacy left. When mine were little, actually even as teens, they saw my time in the 'little room' as a golden opportunity for a 'captive audience' and often sat in the hallway outside to 'chat'. Hmm, a secret as a woman I kept from my husband (who has passed away) - that I didn't really like some of his music! Not a courtesy he extended to all of my music! lolThanks Hannah for the comment. I am sorry about your loss! I agree with the music thing-sometimes it is hard to just smile and nod :) Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! Have a great week!
I think a lot of it depends on religious upbringing on the men. Men are naturally attracted to younger women and sexy women. However, if they're true to their faith they should not look upon a women to lust after her without sinning in his heart. Same goes for women. Some people aren't 100% compatible after marriages so the brain is always looking to fill the gap.Thanks for the comment! Good point to ponder!
Hi Laura, good article and your challenge at the end has got me to thinking. My husband and I have been married for a little over 32 years. I don't know if he would say he keeps "secrets" from me, but there is one that I "think" I keep from him. I can't be sure, we've been married so long that we finish each other's sentences, so he might actually know. I tend to get very annoyed when he gets something out of storage and doesn't put it back when he is finished with it. It lays around forever until I do it. It has always seemed petty on my part and so I try not to make an issue of it. Don't think the thought hasn't crossed my mind that if I just mentioned it, he would change his behavior. I'm not really too sure about that. Once more, I really enjoyed your article.Dianne-Thanks so much for commenting! I know how those petty things can quickly over the years turn into annoying things. I am annoyed when my husband leaves hair in the sink. But he is well-aware :) It is always worth the try to let him in on a secret like that. . . sometimes men just get so set in their ways that they refuse to change. But even if he doesn't change-it is obvious you two have a great relationship! Thanks so much for commenting! Congratulations on 32 years!
Oh so as women our goal is to build a man's ego? You article stated "I understand equality women, but do we really have to make a man feel bad for wanting to be the one to provide for us and our family." What happens if this man you invested in "securing you and your kids" dies, runs off with another woman or man, becomes disabled, or loses his job? You ludicrious "choice" to return to work full-time albeit is one you would not have if your husband traded in his options for another lifestyle. No matter how secure one feels now, the only constant in life is change. A woman's economic security comes from her education and economic contribution to her retirement fund. Do you have one? If not-good luck because you will need it if you keep making your husband feel validated because he is the financial supporter. God Bless.
Great article! Very funny and raised some interesting points, although I don't have a problem with my partner looking at other women I think it's perfectly normal, we as women tend to only have a problem with that if we have self confidence issues and feel threatened.
It's not okay that your husband lusts after "ten" women in a day. The divorce rate is so high because women 'believe' that it is a natural response not worthy of discussing.
It is not a natural response to open a door for an elderly person, or to control your anger when faced with insults but it is a learned behavior that is required in a civilized society.
Rape could be considered a 'natural' response but it is taboo as it should be. Is it a 'natural' response for your husband to have sexual thoughts about your sister.... according to your summary it would be.
If men, on average, lust after ten women in a day then it will take very little for those men to leave your marriage. It is not an issue to be laughed at. A Husband needs to fulfill his commitment to his wife and seek marital assistance to help ensure the only woman that he lusts after is his wife.
Please don't support the destruction of marriage by okaying such behavior as 'natural' because in this case 'natural' is not civilized.
PS. Don't give up your day job.
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