The Curse Of Being A Competitive Mom
Posted: Monday, April 28, 2008
by Laura Trahan
It started innocently enough. My husband and I signed our son up for soccer at the age of three. Our son was a one of those natural athletes. He scored six goals in one game once. He was the kid that the coach put in to get the lead, then he would be stuck in goalie the rest of the game. At first, we were a little embarrassed at how good he was. We would watch in shock as he would steal the ball and dribble it down field without a soul in sight and score with ease. We fell in love with this new phenomenon of hearing all the parents cheering for our kid. Then we were hooked.
It was mid-way through last soccer season when I realized how bad I had become. I lost my voice because of a cold. It was that scary realization sitting at the game that I realized I had been that loud coaching parent from the side line.
Parent after parent came up to me that day asking what was wrong-why I was letting refs, the coach (who was my husband), my son, etc. get away with what they were doing. I am ashamed to say how many times during a game I would call my husband to complain about coaching, refs, our son's attitude, etc. on his cell phone while he was coaching.
We are now in baseball and I realize steps need to be taken to remedy the situation. When you start out wanting the best for your son, it is easy to cross the line to wanting him to be the best. That is where I was and I was destroying our relationship.
When I approached my son about my attitude his response was that I could yell at the game as long as it was "Good job!" I am a work in progress.
We are now in baseball and I find myself trying to be a "junior coach", much like I once heard a pastors wife mention that she was her husband's "junior Holy Spirit." That is me guilty as charged. I find myself offering advice and hearing the other coaches ask who the coach is, but I honestly feel I have no control of my attitude at times.
For instance, our last baseball game I had made a resolution that I would not do any coaching. I mentioned to the score keeper to not let me get up out of the stands or use the cell phone. Of course, the other team's coach is a jerk the entire game.
One of our kids, who has struggled this season, finally gets a hit and ends up with a double. Because of a mistake by our team mom, they call the kid out. She had placed their sitting order wrong switching two of the players.
I can't tell you how livid I became. It is crazy that a game makes a mom go that insane. It is seven year olds and here I am arguing because it wasn't the players fault but he had to pay the price and get called out. It wasn't even my kid. I had lost control from that point on in the game-there was no coming back.
I remember as a kid never wanting a parent like I am. One of those loud parents that are always complaining at the coach or husband in my case, the ump or the other team's coach, but here I am-caught up in the emotion.
So here is the point of the article. I am resolving to not be that parent anymore. If you are this parent as well, know that you are not alone, but realize the effect you are having on your child. I always preach to my son that winning is not important, but in the stands I do not always act that way.
It is time as parents that we take the next step and be a model. Stop yelling and trying to coach. Instead be encouraging and supportive. I have two more regular season games left and I am praying that it will be the end to the "crazy mom in the stands woman."
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)hi laura, with 3 kids that played basketball and softball, i know of what you speak! you just get caught up. in our district, they made every parent sign a waiver that they wouldn't get out of hand, or they'd have to leave. it helped bring awareness to most, but, of course, not all. so, you see, it's a bigger problem than maybe even you thought. i once witnessed a 5 foot woman coach jump on the back of the 5 foot referee. not a pretty sight! i guess parents need to be seen, and not heard, unless it's clapping. this was a well written, interesting article, thanks for sharing, best regards, sueSue-Thanks for commenting! I can not imagine the scene of a woman jumping on the back of the referee! I pray I never go that far. I once read an article about things that scare men. One of the top on the list was watching their kid play sports because they want them to not fail. I think it is harder on women because we want our kids to be happy! Being a parent of a perfectionist drives those nerves in gear and I am working on the output of those nerves! Hopefully, I won't get too caught up and yes, I have signed that waiver every year! Thanks for sharing and always being so supportive to all the writers at Searchwarp!thank you laura, i honestly would never have thought of my comments as being supportive, or that anyone would notice. i do, however, encourage people to write if i see they have that special something. and many more do than don't. my best to you, sue
Hi Laura, I enjoyed your article. It brought back many memories of my own grown children playing sports. It also caused me to remember when my son was seriously hurt during a football game, with months and months of rehabilitation therapy ahead of us. Because of that accident, I instantly recognized that the score didn't matter and it is just a game. Try to sit back and enjoy. Take Care KimberlyKimberly-Thanks so much for the comment and sharing your expertise! It is a great way to view everything! Thanks for the advice!
They say acknowledgement of a problem is the first step to recovery :)Thanks Jean! Only 11 more steps to go! :)
Hi Laura, you poor, poor soul!! (hugs & smiles)) I was a loud mouth mom right up until the time I was responsible for recording the game. I could not believe how much I was yelling! That was quite a lesson. Its hard not to get caught up in the moment. And your son had great advice! They don't get embarrassed by us if we are yelling good things. Hang in there girl, I will be praying for you! Lord, put a muzzle on Laura's mouth. In Jesus name, Amen. hee, hee. It's what I prayed for myself. It worked. Blessings to you!!!Teresa! I have so been thinking of you and praying for you! Missed talking through the comments lately! Have you had the retreat yet? I have been praying for you, but forgot when it was and couldn't find the comment! I hope things are well!!! God heard your prayers-I did not call my husband once during tonight's game, (granted he had me hold his cell phone.:)) I also pretended I had duct tape on the stands and did not move the entire game! Pray for me tomorrow as he has tryouts for a spot on the All Star team-pray for him and that I am encouraging while all the while I am nervous about it all! It is just a game-why am I so nervous? anyhow, blessings to you!Hi Laura! thanks for the prayers! May 10th is my speaking engagement. I am looking forward to it. I will let you know how it goes. Good job tonight! I will be praying for you tomorrow. And I will definetly pray for your son. Yes, it is just a game, but it's natural to want to see your child succeed. It's how God feels about us. He is cheering for us! We just have to cheer with holiness :-) Hold that cell phone, take the duct tape with you-do the recording-whatever it takes until you have it under control! Love you, girlie-girl.Thanks so much Teresa! I love that picture of God cheering me on! I will sleep well tonight! Thanks again!Anytime :-) Hey, you were on my mind this morning, so I thought I would send you a little note. You must need the extra prayer today ((smiles)). I was going to send you a little personal e-mail, but noticed you don't have that option. Write to me if you feel comfortable doing that. For now I will sing you a song, well, a portion of one anyway. "O... be careful little tongue what you say, O be careful little tongue what you say, for the Father up above, is looking down in love, so be careful little tongue what you say....Love IT! Thanks! I did need the extra prayer! I will send you a note!
hi laura, THANK YOU, my best regards, sue
Laura, As always I enjoy your natural way of writing and your very fair mindset. Thanks, Rev Michael Bresciani
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