What I Would Tell My Mom
Posted: Monday, October 06, 2008
by Laura Trahan
October marks the fifth anniversary of my mom's death. She died at the age of 57 of a sudden heart attack. Every year, I believe I am not going to be emotional, but as soon as the month turns to October I feel myself being drawn to the pity world.
I will admit there is not a day that goes by without me thinking of something I want to tell her. It got me to thinking today: why do I not put it in writing in hopes to one day meet up with her again? That is the inspiration of this article. There are so many times I instinctively go to the phone to call her only to remember that I can't. I thought that urge would go away, but it still finds its way back at times.
My daughter was born a year and a month after her death. I hate most that she missed out on knowing her and that I'm not able to ask her things about my own childhood and how we compare.
In that spirit, here are the things I would share with my mom if we could talk one last time.
I have a daughter
I have this amazing daughter and she continually makes me smile. Last night she renamed our whole family. My new name was Freddy. My husband and son are now George Sr. and George. She renamed herself Sally. It was pretty entertaining as she refused to call us by our real names. It drove her brother insane! But we still couldn't help, but crack up.
Yesterday at her brother's soccer game, she decided to show off her own soccer skills. However, before she kicked the ball, she did a twirl and a dance. She wanted to make sure we knew she was a dancer first.
Remember how you used to say I had the cutest button nose as a child? She has the cutest button nose. I wonder sometimes if it is the same one.
She takes ballet. I know! Can you imagine? Me, the softball queen, has a daughter who dances her little heart out! She is cute too! One time she fell on her tap shoes and never wanted to dance again. Little did I know, her feet had grown. New shoes and she is going non-stop.
I will admit there is not a day that goes by without me thinking of something I want to tell her. It got me to thinking today: why do I not put it in writing in hopes to one day meet up with her again? That is the inspiration of this article. There are so many times I instinctively go to the phone to call her only to remember that I can't. I thought that urge would go away, but it still finds its way back at times.
In that spirit, here are the things I would share with my mom if we could talk one last time.
I have a daughter
I have this amazing daughter and she continually makes me smile. Last night she renamed our whole family. My new name was Freddy. My husband and son are now George Sr. and George. She renamed herself Sally. It was pretty entertaining as she refused to call us by our real names. It drove her brother insane! But we still couldn't help, but crack up.
Yesterday at her brother's soccer game, she decided to show off her own soccer skills. However, before she kicked the ball, she did a twirl and a dance. She wanted to make sure we knew she was a dancer first.
Remember how you used to say I had the cutest button nose as a child? She has the cutest button nose. I wonder sometimes if it is the same one.
She takes ballet. I know! Can you imagine? Me, the softball queen, has a daughter who dances her little heart out! She is cute too! One time she fell on her tap shoes and never wanted to dance again. Little did I know, her feet had grown. New shoes and she is going non-stop.
She is so smart and funny, mom! The things she knows and does. At the lunch table at school the other day, she impersonated Beeker. You know, the muppet. She said her teachers just laughed. A little boy tried to kiss her last week-she laid him out. Her teacher got on to her for hitting, but her dad and I secretly gave her a high five. She knows how to write her name already and how to spell her brother's.
She is in speech too! Remember when I had to go to speech. I worry that even though she is so smart that no one will ever know because of her speech. When they tested her, she scored much higher than the norm-the testers were in shock. We were in shock. They had to hit a ceiling on the test and two hours later, she still knew the answers!
Your grandson is no longer a baby
The little boy you spoiled and spent hours talking to on the phone, has grown up so fast. He continues to loose teeth. One is even hanging at the moment. He struggles with perfection and I wish every day I could ask how you knew my brother had ulcers at a young age. He is more driven than his daddy and I ever were and sometimes we don't know how to deal with him. He has glasses now! He is so handsome.
He is very athletic. He made the all-star team in baseball. This past weekend in soccer, he made the most beautiful assist and stopped endless goals. He is amazingly brilliant. He wakes up early every morning just to read. I wish I could be that dedicated.
He is a much better author then I could ever be and won an essay contest in kindergarten. The trophy for his essay contest was bigger than all his sports trophies.
He is funny too when we can get him to relax! He froze his toothbrush to get out of brushing his teeth. He caught five fish last weekend. They look more like bait than actual fish, but he did it by himself!
He has been having headaches and I wish I could ask your advice on what I should do.
He still remembers you and sometimes I hear him telling his sister about things you used to do. He still remembers the songs you sang him, the baseball you bought him and talking to you on the phone.
My husband
I know you always played around joking with my husband, but you would be super proud of him. You should see him with our daughter-the two are like peas in a pod. He and our son are just the same. I love hearing them giggle with him at night before bed.
He works hard for us. He is often up past midnight working for our family doing side jobs. He is still so smart and caring. He takes good care of me! We have awesome bosses who gave us the chance to go to California this past summer. It was an amazing trip that really revolutionized our marriage and goals! I wish you could meet them! They not only provide us with much needed income, but they are amazing friends and role models! They make us laugh and teach us a ton! We have been so grateful for them!
My husband continues to give up so much for us without ever once questioning it or feeling sorry. He was a good choice for me!
Of course, this isn't all I want to tell you, but I am sure you might be overwhelmed at this point. I will say I try to not take any moment for granted with my kids. I am trying to take care of myself so that my hubby and I can live to see all of our grandchildren born. So that we can grow old together for a very long time.
She is in speech too! Remember when I had to go to speech. I worry that even though she is so smart that no one will ever know because of her speech. When they tested her, she scored much higher than the norm-the testers were in shock. We were in shock. They had to hit a ceiling on the test and two hours later, she still knew the answers!
Your grandson is no longer a baby
The little boy you spoiled and spent hours talking to on the phone, has grown up so fast. He continues to loose teeth. One is even hanging at the moment. He struggles with perfection and I wish every day I could ask how you knew my brother had ulcers at a young age. He is more driven than his daddy and I ever were and sometimes we don't know how to deal with him. He has glasses now! He is so handsome.
He is very athletic. He made the all-star team in baseball. This past weekend in soccer, he made the most beautiful assist and stopped endless goals. He is amazingly brilliant. He wakes up early every morning just to read. I wish I could be that dedicated.
He is a much better author then I could ever be and won an essay contest in kindergarten. The trophy for his essay contest was bigger than all his sports trophies.
He is funny too when we can get him to relax! He froze his toothbrush to get out of brushing his teeth. He caught five fish last weekend. They look more like bait than actual fish, but he did it by himself!
He has been having headaches and I wish I could ask your advice on what I should do.
He still remembers you and sometimes I hear him telling his sister about things you used to do. He still remembers the songs you sang him, the baseball you bought him and talking to you on the phone.
My husband
I know you always played around joking with my husband, but you would be super proud of him. You should see him with our daughter-the two are like peas in a pod. He and our son are just the same. I love hearing them giggle with him at night before bed.
He works hard for us. He is often up past midnight working for our family doing side jobs. He is still so smart and caring. He takes good care of me! We have awesome bosses who gave us the chance to go to California this past summer. It was an amazing trip that really revolutionized our marriage and goals! I wish you could meet them! They not only provide us with much needed income, but they are amazing friends and role models! They make us laugh and teach us a ton! We have been so grateful for them!
My husband continues to give up so much for us without ever once questioning it or feeling sorry. He was a good choice for me!
Of course, this isn't all I want to tell you, but I am sure you might be overwhelmed at this point. I will say I try to not take any moment for granted with my kids. I am trying to take care of myself so that my hubby and I can live to see all of our grandchildren born. So that we can grow old together for a very long time.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)hi laura,an amazingly touching article, and brilliantly written, as if the words came without thinking about them. i empathize with you, my mom died in 1989, at 57 of cancer. i had my youngest son 1 year later. i have thought the same things about how she would enjoy him, and all her 15 grandchildren, however, i believe she not only sees everything that is going on, she helps it happen when she can. i have pictures of her on my computer desk, as well as my dad's, and talk to them often in my head, or out loud (when i'm by myself, of course) time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does make things easier to deal with. there were years and years i couldn't speak her name without crying, but i have never doubted that she is aware of my life, and my thoughts and feelings.thanks for sharing,my best,sueThanks so much Sue for commenting! It helps knowing others go through the same things! (and that I shouldn't be committed :) )
Hi Laura.This is a very beautiful article. It's clear that you treasure your family and wish that you could be sharing them with your mother.My mother died at 60 in 1983 from complications of Lupus. I still miss her. That never changes, but it does get easier with time.Just keep telling her what you want her to know, but I'm sure she knows it already.DianneThanks Dianne for commenting! It is comforting to think she is up there looking down on us!
Hi Freddy :-) What a cute name. The things kids think of. This love letter brought joy to my heart. Nothing any of us could say, could take away the sadness that comes upon you in October, But I know we serve a God who can fill your emptiness. What a wonderful way to share your heart. You are blessed to have a wonderful family, and though your days were shortened with your mom, it is clear the time you had was blessed. Keep writing my dear friend. Praying for peace. Love, TeresaLOL-Teresa! I have to admit I walked around half the night ignoring her because I forgot she renamed me! :) She was getting very frustrated with me! Thanks for the reminder of the blessings I have each day!
Oh, Laura, like I'm not emotional enough -- you really touched my heart with this piece. Like you I had my Laura 17 months after my "mommy" passed and it never leaves; not really. A few weeks ago my daughter and I were at the perfume counter going crazy and spraying each other with different scents then I stopped short because I knew the "new" scent Laura sprayed on me and choked up -- it was the "mommy" scent; White Shoulders which was my mom's favorite -- Thank you for sharing your heart; this is beautiful and I would save this for your daughter to treasure it.Thanks Judi for bringing back more memories! My mom loved the perfume counters-we used to do that too! She also wore White Shoulders sometimes! Thanks so much for commenting and sharing!
Wow, I'm so glad I came across your article. I did a search on "5th anniversary of mom's death" and your article popped up. My mom also wore White Shoulders! How funny is that? My mom died from ovarian cancer in 2004 at the age of 68 and her birthday would have been tomorrow. I'm having a hard time getting it through it this year, more than last year or the year before and that puzzles me, but maybe it's because it's almost 5 years now that she's been gone. Your article really says all the things I've been thinking and feeling since she died. I don't have any kids, but my brother has 3 and the youngest was born 18 months after my mom died. She looks so much like her. OK, I better go get some tissues now. I can't stop crying ! Thank you so much for writing this.
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