Encourage Your Kids For Success
Posted: Monday, March 23, 2009
by Laura Trahan
As parent we are all aware of the effects of positive praise on a child. Many of us have memorized the 101 Ways To Praise A Child poster.
Then baseball season hits. I watch in horror each year as parents become Satan in the flesh. I know that sounds a little harsh, but if you saw what I see, you would completely understand.
Case in point. Every season we play a team coached by a husband and wife duo. Who knew Satan could come in two forms on one field. Last season, I watched as the woman kept her son two hours after practice refusing to let him go home until he got a hit. He stood taking ball after ball with tears running down his face hoping to connect on one so he could put an end to the verbal abuse.
This year their son struck out during the game. The father who is supposed to be the coach responded with verbal abuse.
"Get off the field. You are worthless," he said as his son headed back to the dugout.
The next inning, his son played first. He did the "unthinkable" and dropped the ball. Just so you can get a context of the situation. There are not many eight year olds that don't drop the ball.
"You will never again play first base!" his dad yelled from their dugout.
My husband who was coaching first turned to the kid to offer some reassurance.
"Don't worry. You are doing fine. You will get it next time," he said.
"Don't tell my player that. He is playing horrible," his dad responded.
I am not going to get into the parenting methods of this couple. I did want to pass on some advice on how to encourage your child in baseball as opposed to pointing out their wrongs.
Help them succeed
If your child doing well is important to you, give them the tools to succeed. This may be scheduling private lessons, spending time outside with them at night instead of ignoring them. Talk to others on techniques and games that might make learning fun.
Cheer never jeer
Why do adults feel the need to treat their children as if they weren't human? How would you feel if your boss started yelling out everything you were doing wrong in front of your peers? Encouragement is better then pointing out failure. We have a coach that always says, "I know you are good, now show me!" What a simple way to say that a child is good and at the same time encourage.
Be prepared for when your kids fail
Baseball is the only sport where a batter can only hit four out of ten times at bat and still go to the Hall of Fame, not to mention make millions of dollars. We tell our kids this. It isn't about getting a hit every time you go to the plate. No one is going to hit it every time no matter what league.
My son was 15 for 15 before one last week's game. He struck out all three at bats during the game. He cried as he walked back to the dugout the third time. He had convinced himself he couldn't hit.
"Remember, you only have to get a hit four times out of the ten to be good, I said to him. Do you want to work on it?"
The next game he went three for three with a triple and a double. If I would have yelled at him and told him he was no good, he would have never recovered. Be prepared when your kids do fail to pick them back up!
Check your motive
Before responding before, during or after a game, think before you speak. Find out the purpose of what you are saying. Are you saying something your parents always said to you? Is what you are saying going to help or hurt your child? What is the point? Is it to build your ego? Do you want your child to be like you or better then you? If you motive is not to encourage or a noble reason, don't say it!
Sports are meant to be fun. I see several kids every year that develop a hatred for the game, no matter what sport we are playing. It honestly is not about you as a parent. You should not spend this important developmental time destroying the passions of your kids. Be a model parent and cheer your child on. Don't spread hatred over something that is not that important in the game of life.
This Article has been viewed 1,121 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Amen Laura. Well written, and with so much truths. Our children during their developemental stages in life, need to be mentally nurished, and encouraged to just have fun at what they do. Most will learn in time to take the game seriously after they have played for awhile. Some kids will always play the game better than others, it is the way of life. But it helps the child to develope character and social skills that one must learn in the early stages of life. I applaude this article. To many parents forget how fragile our children, and they are what they are told. Parents must remember that....tell a child he or she is stupid enough times, they will learn to believe it. Always support. A game is just a game, play your best, and have fun with it. That coach needs to be out of the coaching, and for that matter, fathering business if he talks to his child like that. That is not building good character, it is destroying it. I would'nt blame they child, if they never wanted to every play again....I know, as an adult, I wouldn't. Great article, full of great advice for your young ones, and like you are suggesting, always encourage, not discourage....Well said. Your friend in pen, and your fan......Gary
Laura,When I saw your article title the other day, my first thought was more words on how we give all the kids a trophy, don't keep score and tell them how great they are.I am so glad I read this and my heart breaks for that little boy whose parents haven't got a clue. The damage they are doing to their son is irrevocable.Thank you for a wonderful article and some very good advice. Common sense goes a long way in the raising of children. Isn't a shame that there is so little of it around?Nancy
Oh Laura - that coach should get a dose of his own abuse...oh wait, maybe he does. Doesn't make it OK, though. You handled your son's situation very well and kudos to your man for encouraging the coach's son.I coached my kids for years and there are two things I learned well. One - that there are a LOT of parents that are jerks. I even had a parent from an opposing team follow me outside after a basketball game wanting to fight me! It was a male (the term "man" doesn't apply here). And Two - there is ALWAYS something good to say to the player - he/she had a good swing, hustled, kept his/her arms up (basketball defense) - always something good to say. Is there some action you guys can take to have this guy removed? I remember on girl who had never played basketball before; her sport had always been swimming. She could shoot the ball a great distance with those strong arms, but didn't make a basket from the free throw line all season - til the last game! You would have thought she won the lottery for us all! Everybody was excited for her!Thanks for sharing this article. I hope many parents listen.
hi laura,i have seen my share of obstinate and stupid coaches over the years, with 3 kids in softball and basketball.i am not lying when i say, if that was my son' coaching team, i would complain to the school, and they would never coach again.it's bad enough that some parents rant and rave and embarrass their kids, but there is no excuse or reason for tolerating coaches who belittle and make kids feel less than dirt.these kids will carry these feelings of inadequacy with them throughout their lives. get those coaches off the field! you can do it.make a positive difference in these kids lives.don't make me have to get on a plane :)i remember the great joy and satisfaction my son was feeling while pitching a no hitter. in the 6th inning, he was tired and started making mistakes. his coach took him out. he remembers that day at 21, like it was yesterday. he was humiliated and discouraged.coaches volunteer, and if they are not positively affecting our kids, they need to be removed.my best regards,sue
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.