When Are You Officially A Grown-Up?
Posted: Saturday, May 23, 2009
by Laura Trahan
It has come to my attention lately that my body thinks I am old. My mind doesn't.
I still feel like that same kid that was always told what to do and when to do it. That kid who if she wanted to get on the floor and play with the kids, I would. Now though something happens when I start to get up. I look like one of those beached whales. You know just flopping and rolling around on the ground hoping that someone will come to my rescue. So has been my struggle lately.
I used to think when I got married, I would have to officially grow-up so to speak. Then I thought it was when I had kids.
I recently read an interview for mother's day in which a woman asked her mom when she knew she was a grown-up or didn't feel like a kid anymore. Her response was, "When my mom died."
My mom passed five years ago. I feel lost at times because of it, but it didn't make me become this grown-up overnight. I wish it did.
I am finding myself at this crisis point in my life not really knowing where to turn. It is time I grow up. It is time to find a career, goals, a future, but I am unsure where to start. I don't feel like a grown-up. I have friends who everyday put on their business best and head to their career. I don't honestly know what I want for a career. Does that mean I am not grown-up?
I find myself at 33 not really ready to give up on dreams I just realized I had in the last year. I find myself searching for answers as to who I am and who I am going to be?
I am amazed as I watch those just graduating high school and college who have it all figured out. I never did. I majored in Journalism because it was easy. My mom always said I had a lot of talent in writing. I took one journalism class as a freshman in college and aced it. It was formula writing and I could do it without any effort. No offense to any journalistic writers. That is what my degree is, not because I loved the work, but because it was easy for me to do.
I minored in Sociology because I needed an 18 hour minor to graduate and I knew I could get all those hours in one summer and be done with college. I realized last night that I have spent the majority of my life doing what other people wanted or thought I should do. I never once stopped to ask if this is something I wanted.
I went and sought my teacher certification because I was told it was the only job I could get that would provide time for me to be home with my kids. Every decision I made was because others thought it was the best direction for my life.
As I sit and write this I am once again at a crossroads in my life, my certification has expired and I am unsure of the direction I am suppose to take. The difference this time is that I have to be a grown-up about it because those same people who led me down paths before are no longer here to tell me which way to go.
The issue is that I don't know if I am ready to be that grown-up! My advice to those graduating this month is simple: Do what you want to do in life, Know who you are and work hard to get there. I am not sure you will ever "feel" like a grown up, but at this point, society thinks you are one.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)I think many women experience what you are describing Laura. My mother, who is in her late seventies, says she still thinks of herself as being in her forties until she sees this old woman staring back at her in the mirror.There is no magic age when you suddenly feel grown up. Our bodies age, but inside we remain who we are. You may think everyone around you has life figured out, but that may not be the case at all. Be true to yourself, and pray for direction in your life. You will find what it is you're supposed to do next. It will happen.thanks Brianna! I know how your mom feels about looking in the mirror! Same thing happens to me! thanks so much for commenting and the advice! Very moving and motivating! Thanks so much!
Great article. Well done.I have no idea - the law says 16 or 18. But I the context you are talking about I can only say that is up to you.Thanks for commenting Connor! I know at 16 or 18 for that matter, I had no clue then either!! Thanks again!
Hi Laura.Those graduating kids don't have it figured out. They're just running on automatic pilot ... like the rest of us did.I'm 56 and I don't feel "grown up." I've done a lot of different things in my life, worked at a lot of different jobs, but I couldn't say that any one of them is what I should be doing. I'm not sure that I will ever know what that is. I do know, though, that I enjoy my life.My mom died when I was 31, and I can definitely say it did not make me feel grown up.It depends a lot on what your definition of grown up is, I suppose. If being grown up is taking responsibility for your own life and decisions and care, well then I am most definitely grown up. But the feeling that I am eludes me.Personally, I think anyone who says that they are grown up is deluding themselves a bit. And that includes me!Your advice to grads in your last paragraph is sound. My advice to you is not to worry about it so much. Just keep doing what you are doing. Enjoy your time on this earth and be happy. When the doubts creep in, just push them aside and keep moving forward.Great article,DianneDianne-thanks for the sweet and comforting advice/comment! I think I might have a tear or two!!
hi laura,my dream was always to be a mom. i was fortunate enough to be able to do that, but i forgot that someday, they, too, would leave the nest, and also leave me jobless. writing is the one thing i love enough to do over and over.maybe a book someday? that would be nice.i agree with dianne, keep doing what you're doing, and prepare your kids for the world beyond mommy and daddy. to do so, is truly a gift.my best to you,sue
You are so right, Laura. I don't guess I ever felt like a grown up and now I am grown old! I too was told I should be a teacher while still in High School--I hated that thought and dismissed it right away. I knew I was not teacher material. I did however love to read and write, but college and journalism were well beyond my reach. I worked my way up from a machine operator in a toy factory, to CNC programmer and found my second niche' in life. I spent many years as a programmer, then burnout came around and I moved on to management which became my third niche' in life. Reading and writing will always be my first--even though, it became my last; it is still my first love.Well done.Sandra
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