Finding Your Purpose Through The Eyes Of A Child
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2009
by Laura Trahan
I help with Sunday school for an amazing group of preschoolers at our church. We are discussing the story of Esther this month in our lessons.
Yesterday, as part of our service, we discussed that God has a plan for each one of our lives.
To put it on a level the kids could understand, one of the exercises had us discuss what the kids wanted to be when they grew up.
"I am going to be a baby bunny when I grow up," another quickly added. (my favorite answer)
"I want to be a doctor, a farmer and a fireman," a little boy spoke up.
From pilots to race car drivers to policemen, it was amazing to me to hear God's children tell of their future dreams.
As we discussed, how God has this amazing plan for our lives just like he had for Esther, I was reminded how my plan is never as great as God's plan. The rewards for doing things my way is never as rewarding as doing things His way.
Most importantly in class, we discussed that God's plan is perfect.
As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30
Granted, the preschool version is: God's way is Perfect. The before mentioned verse is a lot shorter and easier for these little three to five year olds to remember.
I have always strived for perfection. As a student, I wanted the A. As a wife, I wanted to be the best cook, most beautiful, most athletic, etc. As a mom, I wanted so much for my kids. I read all the parenting books, I took advice from the seasoned moms, etc. As an employee, I always craved praise and rewards.
When things go bad or we find ourselves in a valley, my first instinct is still to look at what I am doing wrong. We are not praying hard enough. We need to serve more. We need to give more. We need to study the Bible more. We need to be perfect.
The hardest lesson to swallow is simply God lets bad things happens at times to grow a person. It never says your life on earth will be easy much less perfect. So why would I kill myself to try and achieve a perfection that is only found in death?
As I grow in Christ, I realize that God is the only one who has perfection. It took me years to grasp that. I still fight the urge each day to try to live perfection.
The hardest reality that I am facing today is seeing this in my child. As many as you know, our son is a perfectionist. He is to the point that it sometimes makes it difficult for him to sleep at night. He replays all the wrong things he does during the day before he goes to bed.
My husband and I prayed for salvation for him for years. He was baptized in May. I honestly thought this struggle would be over. He knows God is perfect. We can now reason with him "to give it to God." He doesn't have to be perfect because God died for his sins, etc.
I am sad to say things are now worse for him. He was up for an hour crying last night because he has "been selfish" this week. We have tried to explain to him that God has already forgiven him, that God does not require perfection, that God loves him more and more each day.
Then he said something that struck to the core of my heart a conviction that felt like my heart was being torn into.
When talking about our love for him, he admitted that he did not think I loved him. Yes, it makes me cry. What mom wouldn't cry? Here is the kicker, after much discussion, it wasn't that he though I didn't love him, he just "felt" that he didn't deserve to be loved.
I can not tell you how insane this is. He is an amazing kid. You all know how much I brag on him. The difference is that he has not begun to understand unconditional love. A love only God can provide.
Wait a second. Isn't this what I feel every day. How many times do I question God's love in our lives? Is it biblical? No! Are we acting on feelings? Yes!
My heart is broken because I know how he feels and it is the last thing any eight year old should feel. As we battle against "feeling" that we are lovable, we shut out the God who wants to cover us in his love. He wants to be our perfect refuge and shield. He wants to shower His love on us. He wants to share his perfect plan on our lives.
The question is, are we letting Him or fighting Him because we think we are undeserving?
Kids have a way of breaking through the stuff and pointing out the core issues. Letting God love us is our only chance at coping with the need to be perfect. God says we are worthy of His unconditionally, undying love.
Why are we not soaking it up again?
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Hi Laura, what a heartwrenching story, but a neccessary reminder for each of us, it's tough to watch your little guy struggle with this, but in a way, it is a good thing because he is at an age were he will learn as he grows in his faith of God's goodness, something it takes most of us a lifetime to learn. God will use this and you can be sure that your son will be a testimony to many of how to overcome the need to be perfect. I am praying. it is already evident how God is using your son - in his own family. Rejoice that the victory is already won - he is just walking toward it and catching up with what already is in God's economy. Love and big hugs! T
Great article. Well done.Kids are good at picking up what we miss as there thought pattern generally differs from our own.
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