Six Things I Miss Most About My Mom and Six Ways To Remember The Death of A Loved One
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009
by Laura Trahan
My mom died six years ago today. I can replay those events in my head like it was yesterday. I think those memories will never go away.
I like to say that the pain associated with the death of a parent goes away, but I think it is always there just is duller as the years pass.
In honor of the great woman my mom was I felt compelled to write this article on the sixth anniversary of her death of the six things I miss the most today.
My mom and I talked on the phone everyday. Six years later there are still times I go to pick up the phone and call her and tell her something my kids did. I could always tell what kind of mood she was in by the way she answered the phone. There is no other person who is more understanding then a mom.
Cooking
My mom made the best potato salad, broccoli rice casserole, mexican chicken and chili. No matter how sad that is that I miss food, I do. I have tried to replicate her food and have failed miserably each time. Only a mom can make things taste good with their secret ingredient of love. Yes, that was a little cheesy.
Cuddling on snow days
It snowed every year. Most every year, our heater would go out. As dad left for work, mom would call in and begin the fun. We would all climb in her bed under what seemed like ten blankets with our hot chocolate in hand for some cuddling. It wasn't long until she was breaking up a fight in the front yard when my brother hit me too hard in the head with a snowball.
Night time routine
I miss my mom singing me to sleep. It was before cd players. The other nights after I put my daughter inside, I snuck in for another peek. On the cd player was a song my mom used to sing to me. I nearly cried myself out of the room. I miss hearing her sing to me.
Dollar store queen
o.k. my mom was a dollar store queen. Each time she saw the kids, she would have arms full of dollar store toys. It is stupid, I know, but she knew how to spoil my kids. Kids need to be spoiled by nanas.
FIghting with my husband
My mom and husband could go for hours giving each other a hard time. She and he would get so tickled at times laughing when they stung each other. She always took heart in that it was my husband that had to go home with me. She would say that he deserved someone as stubborn and difficult as me, jokingly of course. But she was right!
Now that the depressing part is over. I always want to make sure my mom's memory lives on especially where my kids are concerned since she died before my daughter was even born and my son was three. Here are some ways to keep those memories alive.
Make a collage
Make a collage of pictures of the loved one lost. It is so easy these days with the new picture technology. You can do an 8 x 10 in minutes. You can also make a collage of things they loved by cutting out words or pictures. Just be creative.
Visit the graveyard
I hate the most that I do not get to do this every year. My girlfriends and I lost our partner in crime in college. We would go have a bottle of wine on her gravesite the next year in memory. Now we are all so far away and I miss that. Plan a family trip and enjoy remembering the good times.
Plan a trip
Pack a suitcase and take your kids on an educational trip about your loved one. Visit where your loved one grew up, their favorite restaurant, place of employment, etc. They will enjoy seeing what they were like when the loved one was alive.
Plant a flower
My mom loved gardenias. I would buy one and plant it as a memory for her. Something about digging and planting that helps you remember the good times.
Tattoos
Tattoos are becoming a popular way to celebrate the dead. I have seen people get initials to pictures tattooed on their body. My mom would hate this because she hated it when I got a tattoo so I know this way is out for me.
Plan a party
The hardest part when someone dies is missing out on the friends you had in common. I miss my mom's best friends. I miss her family. Somehow when you grow up and apart, you forget how close you all were. Bring everyone together to remember.
Honestly I miss a ton about my mom. It was hard just picking six. I hope that if you lost a loved one you are moving towards healing. It is ok to remember and it is also ok to move on with your life. My best to all who have lost loved ones. Keep their memories alive.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Laura it was a year yesterday the 22nd that my mom passed away. I relate to all you say but for some reason I don't seem to miss, or feel I have lost her. Mom had a beautiful home. She would buy an old chair or whatever from a second hand shop and do it up and it would look great. She was one for her nic knacks too. The way she had her home I envied in a nice way. I think the reason I feel I am not missing her as much as I should is because - out of the family of eight, not one had the same taste as mom and me so that meant I got her furniture and all her precious ornaments. So you see Laura as I type she is all around me. And when I look up from the computer I have a photo of her on the wall in front of me too. This is one woman I aint lettting go of.I also look after my grandaughter who is now in nursery 4 mornings a week, and when I go to pick her up I have to park opposite in the graveyard car park where mom and dad are buried so I get to say a prayer for them on each visit.And I remember my moms last words to me before I left for home after looking after her until another sister took over to do her her shift for caring for mom, was "Peace be with you" She was at the time listening to morning mass on the radio. And my last words to her was and Peace be with you mom also - And I never saw her again.Knowing how feel and thinking of youKeep safe and wellKacyKacy-What a beautiful memory!! I am so glad you shared it!! I sometimes hear my mom when I talk to my kids-not sure if that is the same as having her around ;) pretty scary though!Your mom sounds like an awesome woman! family of eight-wow! impressive!Thanks for the sweet, kind words!!
-Laura (not logged in)
Some lovely ways to remember your Mum. I have lost my father when I was 12 and my cousin was killed in the forces when i was 21. I find that remembering them laughing is one of the best things. I like your idea of planting a flower or a tree.Thanks Helen! I am sorry to hear about your father and cousin! You are right, remembering them laughing is one of the best things!thanks-Laura
It has been four years for my mom coming up in 2 weeks. I do hear you! Thanks for writing and reminiscing! Marijo
I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. Your article brought me to tears. My mother has always been my best friend and I can't imagine my life without her, although I know it's inevitable. I know I will miss the many things you mentioned, particularly, the phone calls since we too talk every day. Also, trying to duplicate her recipes with no luck and the bedtime rituals. There are things only they can do, because they're our mothers, and they do it best. :) I think it's wonderful you keep her memory alive. I know she must be very proud of you and of the article you've just written. Thanks for sharing it with us Laura.
Laura,Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.Crystal
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