Confessions From a Far From Perfect Stay At Home Mom
Posted: Friday, May 26, 2006
by Laura Trahan
When I became a stay at home mom, I guess I had false expectations and realizations. I honestly thought staying at home would be a breeze. I thought I would have so much more time on my hands. I would be able to nurture and enjoy my children. My husband would come home to a clean house and a hot meal after a hard day of work. I would be more involved at church and with friends. I would be up to date on current affairs and my writing career would have that chance of taking me to that dream house I always wanted. Yes, I now realize I was delusional. Where does the time go? I wake up with all of these goals and before the day is over I find myself not meeting half those goals.
I guess that has been my biggest struggle since transitioning from the working world. In the corporate world, you see results. In the stay at home mom world, it is like you are working constantly and never see progress. What does this family do: wear 20 outfits a day? Get the drift? Stay at home moms work constantly with continuous distraction. We have no office door to close and at the end of the day or week we have no nice report or presentation to show for it. Because of that, there have been several days that I have felt like a failure. Success is not easily measured in the stay at home mom world. In fact, in the past, you had money to show for your work. Now, not only are you financially struggling with less money, you see no reward or outcome.
Moms who stay at home are actually far from failures. We work hard and, even though we see no reward, we are not failing. So in an effort to continually work myself out of that mindset and motivate moms everywhere, I have decided to compose a list of what a successful day for a stay at home mom is. If one of these events happens during your day-you should consider yourself eligible for a pay raise as well as a promotion to super mom.
Your family gets fed some sort of food
It doesn’t matter that your preschooler or toddler is wearing the food, as long as some went in to the mouth. Also as long as you offered some sort of vegetable or fruit-you have done the part of mom. (The extra bonus is if your child actually swallowed the healthy food. We do count holding them down while they kick and scream as well as threatening part of the bonus.)
Toys are everywhere
If you have toys everywhere, then you are a successful mother. How boring would life be if your kids had nothing to play with? Besides, it keeps them busy while you are doing the million other chores.
Laundry hidden or completed
OK, the best advice I ever got was “don’t do a load of laundry unless you are able to do it from start to finish." The kicker: my laundry would never get done. I must be ADD because it would be impossible for me to not get distracted with the million other things to do.
Your child made it home
You laugh, but I know mothers who get so preoccupied or busy with the million things they have going on that a child will be left at school, church, daycare, workout facility, store, etc. So if you make it home with the same amount of kids you left with-you are a success. (bonus-bringing home an extra kid by mistake)
Your family comes home with all their belongings
I always consider this a success. My toddler loves to take off shoes and throw them out of the grocery cart. So now this is my standard of living. If I can make it home with all of our stuff-I feel I have succeeded. My five-year-old left his baseball glove last year at a game. Don’t think this just goes for kids. My husband left his glove last week. He coaches. I almost left his wallet in the grocery cart last night while he took our son to the bathroom. This is a great skill to master.
Your bank account stays in the positive
Enough said!
Your kid(s) give you a hug or kiss
This is my favorite part!!! The reason why I became a stay at home mom-to be close to my kids. The other night at dinner, my son got out of his seat. I said, “Where are you going?" His reply, “to give you a hug and kiss." Yes, I melted! I have to admit, two years ago, he hardly knew I was alive.
Your husband notices anything you did today
Let’s face it: men hardly notice the day-to-day activities of the home. They probably assume we are at home, watching TV all day, enjoying a glass of tea. So if he notices anything, take it as a success!
Being a stay at home mom is most likely the most challenging position I will ever have. It is important to me to not see failures each day, but rather successes. I hope this motivates you or at least gave you a laugh. Remember, you only have to meet one of the above criteria to be a successful stay at home mom. So go on the computer and print out a certificate and enjoy a late night bubble bath in honor of your new promotion to Super Stay at Home Mom!
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)I love your article! From one stay at home mom to another, great job! I really needed a good laugh today...now off to tackle the laundry!Thanks Jenn for the comment!
You go girl! There is no such thing as a perfect stay-at-home mom anyway. The goal is being there for your kids, not being perfect. They'll learn more from seeing you be a real person than anything else!Great point! Thanks for commenting!
That's awesome! I'm a new stay at home mom, and enjoyed reading your article. Knowing I'm not the only one that feels this way is really reassuring!Thanks for the comment! I am glad I am not the only one as well :)
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